Retrospection
by bookwormkiki
Summary: Castiel has been among the humans for a long time now and an incident forces him to ask questions which Sam and Dean cannot answer.


**Retrospection**

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"I don't understand", remarked Castiel, as the three of them leaned against the Impala, with the usual bottle of beer clutched in the hands of Sam and Dean.

"What?" asked Dean, looking at him. The rising sun behind him gave his exhausted face a reddish glow. "What don't you understand?"

"I don't understand", Castiel repeated, now looking at the sky, possibly seeing a Heaven Sam and Dean couldn't. "Why did the Lord create you?"

"You mean 'us' or…" Sam trailed off and took a sip of the soothing alcohol.

"I mean humans in general."

"Ok, Cas", Dean looked at him with his eyebrows raised. "You're not making any sense."

"I'm just wondering why my Father had to create the human race."

"Why are you wondering all of a sudden?" Sam asked.

A poignant silence followed. It seemed as if Castiel would not elaborate, but then, looking at them he replied, "I've seen so much pain and suffering among the humans. No other race ever has felt such a myriad of emotions. I have seen your life. I've seen what goes through your minds. I've seen you suffer, both of you, possibly more times than I care to count."

"It's not all pain and suffering, Cas", Sam said, staring into the glass in his hand, as if the secret of life was contained in the elixir inside it. "There are some other things in life worth living for."

"Tell me one instance in your life, Sam, when you have felt joy and happiness for more than five minutes. Tell me one time when you didn't have anything on your mind."

Another silence followed. Dean took a last swig of his beer and trained his eyes on the ground. Castiel was right. But they were hunters; there was no time for peace in their lives. As if Castiel had read his mind, he said, "Please don't give me the excuse that you are hunters. That woman there was not a hunter. She was innocent with an even more innocent baby."

The mention of the incident threw a silence again. Then Dean spoke, "Cas, there's joy in the small things. Like I said, you live for small things in life. You don't give up because you have a reason to live."

Castiel almost laughed sarcastically at that.

"And I believe that that woman just lost hers to live."

"Look, Cas", Sam began, but fell silent. He could not think of any argument. How could he explain a human life to an angel? No doubt, Castiel was right. Before he could think of anything to say, Castiel continued,

"What objective did the Lord want to fulfill by creating you and this mundane planet? Why must you always have grief and pain? Why can't you be eternally happy? Why can't the humans always feel happy?"

For once, Castiel seemed to have run out of words. Dean itched to make a sarcastic retort, but he bit his tongue in time. Now was not the right moment. Castiel, on the other hand, seemed to have let go of his inhibitions. A dam had broken and thoughts were pouring out.

"I can read minds. I can fathom the endless grief in Sophie's mind. She honestly believes that this is some sort of punishment for the last few _happy_ months she had. She has been surrounded by death and suffering, seeming her entire life! And she was happy! Happy to have someone of her own! And now…now my kind has been kind enough to rid her of that joy."

"Cas, she'll move on", Dean tried to reason with him.

"She won't", Castiel looked into dean's eyes, the fire in them contradicting the ice in his voice. "She'll never move on because she'll never try to. You know what she is contemplating to do, but she won't, because she considers herself strong."

The sun had now fully risen. The orange hue of the sky had disappeared, leaving a clean blue color behind. It was a sign. A new day had arrived. It was like a new beginning. They could finally leave the tragedies of the previous day behind.

"Well", Sam said, pushing his weight off the car. "That's life, Cas," he quoted, shrugging his shoulders. "You gotta live it just the way it is. Even after all this sorrow and suffering, you just have one choice: live."

Castiel, too, stood straight, looked Sam in the eye with something that suspiciously looked like pity and said with half a smile, "That's the biggest tragedy of human life: you have to live it." And without another word, he disappeared, leaving behind a heavy silence as Sam and Dean digested his words.

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_A/N: Please review! Constructive criticism is gladly accepted._


End file.
